We made it home!

We made it home early this evening! My sweet husband made it very sweet. He picked us up at the airport, took us to dinner, we went to church and he let me share somethings with him during our prayer service and than prayed with me after. We came home to a little bit of family time and unpacking our suitcases. He blessed me big time with me being able to return to a home that looks better than when I left it. He even helped me unpack so I could get it done this evening. What did I do to deserve this man? And the best thing is that he tells me I am his gift. God is so very faithful!

I am hoping to here a update from my sister soon. She went to a dr. appt this afternoon.

Thankful for a rough afternoon....

This afternoon we decided to take the older kids to the Plaza. We walked around with Ben, Jacob, Madeline and Sophia. We went into shops, the kids ate ice cream and Jacob and each of the kids found some specials items. We needed to head back as sweet Olivia would be needing Mom for her afternoon feeding. We got back to the car and started to get in when I heard my sissy screaming. I ran to her side of the vehicle and she was on the concrete in the street. I had no idea what happened but her keys were flew across the street and there she was. She seemed in pain and out of it. I helped her get up and got her to the curb. People came rushing to help. Wondering if we needed a ambulance. I asked her and she said she didn't know. She was holding her her face. A waiter from a nearby restaurant came running with a napkin and water to help. We called Michael and we decided I would drive us home and meet him there. It really was so scary. It was so sudden.

My sister is the mom to 6 children. 4 months-10years. Her hands and heart is full along with their quiver! She is nursing a baby and also just finished up physical therapy for her Achilles heal problem. This afternoon really was a miracle and there are so many things to be thankful for.

#1. She wasn't hit by a car.
#2. She seriously thought she had knocked out several teeth. When in reality she chipped one tooth.
3. She has a baby in her hands or arms a lot of the time but not this time.
4. She didn't injure her already hurt foot.
5. We had people rush to our side to offer help. She always jokes how NM is on their own time table (s-l-o-w) but this time they were fast!
6. She could have easily broken something and didn't. She has a bumped up, bruised and scraped face. Mostly her chin, cheek, nose and lip but it could have been much worse.
7. The dentist got her in within a hour. He said it could be repaired and is going to do that next week.
8. My sister said this evening thank God this happened at the end of your trip and not sooner. So true. We don't get to see each other often.

I know when my mom comes to visit she has said before it is hard to leave because there are so many needs with a large family and so many children. I can relate this time. We will be leaving for the airport tomorrow about 11:30 and apart of me will want to stay to be of help. I know the Lord will provide. She will be in my prayers.

Please pray for my sissy's healing and Gods provision. It was a rough afternoon but it could have been much worse. God is good. He is always faithful and loves us beyond what we can fathom.

Just checking in.....

We are in Santa Fe and and having a good time. We had a good plane trip here and sat next to a man on the flight that is auctioneer. I thought Jacob would enjoy that because he really wants to go to a auction sometime. We got to their home and got settled. It was a full day with the cousins. We got to meet sweet Olivia Noel for the first time. She is only 4 months old and a very good baby. Jacob is enjoying his cousin time and I know he has felt stretched here and there but that is OK. He is a better child from times of stretching. This is the first time I have been on the computer since arriving. It is a treat! Andrew and Trae seem to be having a good time back home. They said we were missed. Andrews dad spent some one on one time with him yesterday, Andrew started his indoor soccer, watched guy movies, went to church and out to eat. I am so thankful my hubby is holding down the fort. We is picking us up at the airport on the 30th. I have enjoyed talking with my sissy and eating her husbands incredible cooking! It has been very easy staying on my plan here. He is one of the best cooks! They used to own a restaurant here in Santa Fe, NM and he has a passion for great food. He has grilled out twice and it is divine. He said his tip is low and slow. He has also made us some South Beach friendly almond bark that is incredible. We must buy quality knives when I get home. They have very nice ones and it makes a huge difference. I even used their treadmill. We went to church today and it was a great service. I brought the CD back for Trae to here. We are going to have some sissy time (out to lunch and I am hoping to stop at Trader Joes and Goodwill!) one day and we might take the kids to some of the galleries too. It is very pretty here! Spring is the perfect time of year to come.

We are off!

Jacob and I are headed to Santa Fe, NM to visit my sister and her family. Jacob misses his 6 cousins and is very excited about missing the TAKS test here in Texas and getting lots of playtime! We haven't been out there in a few years. Matter of fact we haven't even met Olivia Noel yet. She is our newest cousin and is about 6 months old. I am looking forward to some time with my sissy too! Sissy time is always a great thing. I heard Uncle Michael is going to take the kids on a hike too. We are packed and ready. Trae and I will be enjoying lots of guy time. I ordered a guy movie from Netfixs and it will arrive tomorrow. If I learn how to post pictures I will post some cousin pictures. Please keep us in your prayers for safe travels and a special time.

Yes!!!

I jumped on the scale today and was down to 36 lbs since January! YES!!! I am loving this lifestyle! Such a great match for me. I am down 126 since 2003. Truth is I have a lot more to lose. I could have a pregnancy and nursing during this time too. I have the mindset that it isn't a race but a marathon (goodness I am 5 years in!) and that for me the most important thing is heart change which leads me to obedience. God is so good and so faithful!

I had the joy yesterday of wearing a denim jacket that I hadn't worn in 2 years! It is a worn and almost tattered but I loved wearing it. It is that piece of comfort clothing that most of us have! Anyway that knows me knows that I love denim. Yes, I am that SAHM/homeschooling mom who is ashamed to wear it! It is me and I am fine with that. :)

I am hoping today is a productive day! I have a lot to do and prepare (home and packing) before leaving for Sante Fe, NM on Friday.

I am missing church right now. Due to being in nursery, HWY and travel I will have 4-5 weeks of not being there on a Sunday morning. I hate that. My Tuesday morning group is a huge blessing and really keeps me contacted during times like these. Such a precious group of women. I am SO very grateful!

My sweet husband is home today. He actually hit the gym today too. He had a free trainer session (due to not being in there for a while) and so I asked one of the trainers to go over and ask him when he was going to set that up! Love to harass him sometimes or at least ask someone else to do so! He has had a hard time committing to the gym. At first I was bothered by that but then the Lord reminded me that he usually doesn't pile HUGE things on us at once. The dedication and commitment that he is giving his career right now is Gods best for him and just as he is gracious and loving with me he is also with my husband. Now I just have to be too!

Pink and brown day!

The sweet men in my life filled my day with things pink and brown! My husband bought me sugar free truffles that I can have that are from a wonderful company he found on the web. He got 2 flavors and they are just so pretty and very yummy! They also got me a Itouch! I have been wanting a Ipod and this one is above and beyond what I would have picked for myself but my husband said I need to feel lavished. Ahhh yes what wife doesn't want to hear that! He even picked out a very fun leather case for it that is pink with brown trim and already loaded a bunch of songs, videos and things for me! It is perfect timing for our trip. I am so blessed and I am really going to enjoy it. It is very cool! I need to go online and do Apples tutorial. I am blessed!

38 things about me.....

Today is my birthday! I am 38 today! I have both my boys home today too. One is home not feeling great and the other one is off from school. It is a gift to have them home today. I took my youngest son to the Dr. today and than to WM but other than that we plan on just being home.

I thought I would write 38 things today about me! Maybe some of them you know and some of them you don't but here it goes!

1.It took me 28 years to fall in love with myself!
2. I still hate my legs but I have come to accept that part of me too. I am working to make them the best they can be but I have figured it out that they will never be wonderful and that is OK.
3. I love rainy days!
4. My favorite food to eat out is Mexican at Pappasitos.
5. I really don't care for ice cream.
6. I love my laptop! It is one of my dearest friends.
7. I have the most amazing mom on this planet! I can't imagine where I would be without her.
8. My sister is the best sissy ever! She is 18 months older than I am lives in Sante Fe, NM with her husband and 6 children. We don't get to see each other very often (I am headed out there this Friday for 6 days!) but we catch up on the phone as often as time permits.
9. My dad lives in GA with his wife and my half sister. She is 18 and graduates next month. He is one of the hardest working men I know. He is far smarter than he gives himself credit for and he has the most amazing yard!
10. My best date night would be a mexican food, 2-3 hours at Barnes and Noble with comfy chairs and the best sugar free chocolate from Central Market with ice cold water.
11. My husband loves to give massages! I am so blessed!
12. My mom comes to visit us every Tuesday! She has done that since my 1st husband left and it is such a gift to all of us.
13. My favorite snack is cheese and whole grain crackers with apple slices.
14. I really don't like spending $ on clothes.
15. I love spending $ on sandals!
16. I really don't care for huge crowds. I love being social but places like 6 Flags, malls at the holiday time and such are my worst nightmare.
17. I LOVE being home! It is the best place on this earth.
18. If I had $100 I would likely buy books, music or something for my house.
19. God, husband, children, family, friends....that is what matters most to me.
20. I have a huge heart for fostering and hope to be able to do it someday.
21. I want to be a child advocate in some fashion or another.
22. I LOVE water! I can't get enough of it and love it very cold!
23. I own a ton of candles that I rarely burn.
24. I have learned to cook pretty well and I LOVE to do it! It has become a huge passion of mine and I never thought I would love to cook. My love of being home, being frugal and eating well and healthy has blossomed this area of my life. My husband and children seem to enjoy it!
25. Friendships are very important to me and I have learned to love myself to let go of high maintenance friends or friends that play games. Just can't do it!
26. It is work for me to watch a movie. I am working on it because my husband loves movies.
27. I struggle with being overly critical.
28. I love to watch old TV shows. Brady Bunch, Leave it to Beaver, Little House on the Prairie and Facts of life are my favorites!
29. I have a huge love of America and would love to see more of it!
30. I am so disappointed in many aspects of our nation. It really grieves me. Our education system, morality, debt, lack of valuing children and the lack of health care coverage for a affordable price.
31. I love to travel!
32. I love to educate myself. I have learned far more in life from reading, research, conferences, mentors, relationships, etc that I ever did from formal education.
33. I think holidays are over rated and it is the daily stuff that counts.
34. TRUTH is huge with me! If you don't have truth you have nothing.
35. I am frugal at heart! I think my single mom years got me there!
36. Dave Ramsey rocks!
37. I want to grow more in my photography skills. Not interested in being a pro but just use our system to its potential.
38. My husband is my best friend and an amazing man. When I was single and we were just friends at our church. I never felt like an event began until he arrived. We liked each other but never at the same time until 2003. We are so thankful we listened to the Lord and moved forward.

39....(one to grow on) I am so in love with the Lord. Worship is one of the sweetest times. I have so much to grow in my walk with him. He is irresistible to me. I love seeing how he created the body of Christ to be. I am so thankful that I don't have to walk this journey alone. I am so grateful that he loves me...always.

Happy Birthday to me!!! You have come along way baby! Oh that reminds me...I am down 34 lbs and counting since January! Living healthy is one of the best gifts I have given myself and my family.

TGIF

Today I am thankful for.....

friends
chicken (hey I love it and eat a lot of it!)
spring days
HWY team
the body of Christ
blankets (I was a blankie lover as a child and still am!)
forgiveness
calendars (I so need this daily to keep on track)
FREEDOM!!!


Have a great weekend!

Lies.....

I found myself recently embracing a lie. Why....I don't know. I also have watched at time my children do the same. I hate lies. I live for TRUTH! Truth for many, many years has been at the core of who I am. Yet I can see that at times I still buy a lie. Years ago I lived believing certain lies. At the time I didn't realize to the full extent that I was doing it but I was. The Lord loved me enough to pull out from under me the very thing that in the end was going to let me down. I wasn't standing on Him and His truths and if I am not doing that what do I really have? Nothing! I have been reminded that we are in a battle and that daily we must fight to walk in truth. The enemy is so sneaky. He does it inch by inch, little by little and starts to fill us with doubt and mistruths. He knows that if we say that is a apple and he says that is a orange we will not believe it. But if bit by bit we start letting go of truth he can inch his way in. I am going to tighten the ship up a bit in my household to guard against this. I know it has to begin in my own heart. Often times when I believe a lie I have something to gain from that. But truly at what cost?

I have given you my love and set you free!

Monday I had a full day. I won't bore you with the details but just the norm stuff. Working out, chores, therapy for my sweet boy and taking Andrew to his driving lesson. I did have the highlight of a conversation with a friend and a my sissy.

I found myself in the afternoon desiring to go to a meeting for something that I have been interested in. Everything seemed to fall into place and off I went. When the meeting was over I got in my car and started to drive home. I thought to myself...do I have a peace about my evening? Ummmm, no I didn't. I thought why? Why, don't I have a peace about that? Right then I had the radio on and the verse of the song said....I have given you my love and set you free! Thank you Lord for reminding me through song of your truths. I knew that was all I needed to hear. He has! I am walking in it and it is beautiful. It is uncharted territory for me. I have never been free in this area before. But GOD did it! And I am going to BASK in it! The journey might not be over but it appears as thought the battle is. You know when you give in (or maybe up) and surrender. How sweet that is to say YOUR will not mine. What more could I want? His ways are so much sweeter than mine!

Our day....

This was the day that I thought could be a dream or a disaster based upon if we had plans or not. Well last night Trae and I stayed up talking til 12:30. We talked about everything except for Saturday! Trae loves to sleep in. Me...not so much. I got up and Jacob and I had breakfast together. After that we both enjoyed some leisure time and than got ready to go to a few garage sales. We hit about 5 sales and each found a few things that we liked. I found 5 children's books and one board game. I spent $3. The game was brand new too!

We returned home to find Trae up and busy and Andrew up too. Andrew asked if he could go to the movies later on with 2 of his friends. I told him that was fine. We did house chores and ate lunch. Than Trae and Jacob went outside to wash both the cars. I went to the gym and than Trae rewarded Jacob by taking him to Northwoods carnival for a little while. He said it was very overpriced and Jacob didn't win anything but at least the money goes towards helping special needs children.

This evening we ate leftovers, watched BL (Jacob wanted to watch it) and finished the night with reading.

It was a good day but not extraordinary day like we could have had. We did get a lot done around the house and that is important with the schedule we have the next few weeks so that feels good. Andrew doesn't do things with his friends that often so I am glad we had our schedule open for him to be able to go with them.

I love to plan! But I have learned over time that sometimes....really more like always my plan needs to be flexible. Our day was special not so much because of what we did but that we were together. I am worn out and ready for bed and my sweet husband went to fetch our big boy. Soon he will be driving...OH how that is going to be so different. But shhhhh....don't tell anyone I am actually really ready this next stage. He is ready to flap his wings.

Home Sweet Home!

I love being home! Years ago I loved being out and about. I saw staying home as the less than option. I ran out to see the latest finds which in turn made me want the last finds! I loved eating out and I did it so much that eating at home became the less than option too. Sad, but true. It was a gradual process with me (isn't it always) but the Lord has totally changed me in this area. Now don't get me wrong I still do love strolling through Target or Marshall's but most of the time it truly is for something that I need vs. something that I want or feel like I have to have. At this phase of my life I realize that I truly must have very little. I do enjoy a date night out (or day for that matter) with my husband. But I can honestly tell that fixing a meal at home and popping in a DVD from Netflix or Redbox brings me just as much enjoyment. Sometimes more because at home I will likely put on my comfy clothes! The purpose is to connect and enjoy that QT together and the focus isn't about the external but more about what is going on in our hearts. There are times I am inspired by being away from home as is my husband! The other day we went to Pappasito's and sat out on the patio and it was just so lovely. And it was a wonderful blessing to have someone bring prepared food (we get the Plato Del Mar chicken, beef and bacon wrapped shrimp!) and clear it all away when we were finished. Now that I am eating healthy I even haul my sweet potato chips with me to dip in that incredible salsa. It is just divine! And to think I am losing weight and eating so good.

The other day I said to my husband it is our weekend with the boys and we have no plans all weekend expect for church. He looked at me with a smile as if it was a good thing. I honestly was a little fearful. Not hear me out...I love downtime! But too much of it can be dangerous. So I said lets think about what we might do at least on Saturday. He was so relaxed about it. But with a 16 year old and a 10 year old it isn't always the easiest thing. Trae said I will take Andrew driving and Jacob and I will play outside. In his eyes the plans were done. I told him that sounded lovely...maybe for Sunday afternoon but Saturday lets doing something out of the ordinary. To top it all off my son (Andrew 16) has been off school since 12:30 on Thursday due to power outages in our area from the recent storms. So now we have had a good amount of QT and the weekend hasn't even begun! Isn't God so funny...I mean good! :)

As we begin our weekend we plan on cooking out today and making sweet potato fries and tater tots. The boys love eating outside. I am not sure why. I guess the change of scenery. So if it is still nice out at that hour we may do that. We have the new electronic Monopoly to play (thanks mom!) and Trae and Andrew have a guy movie to watch after Jacob is in bed. Who knows what tomorrow will bring! If Jacob had his way it would start with garage sales. We are blessed with beautiful weather and most of all the gift of one another. The planner in me is still trying to plan something for tomorrow! Trae and I often do daytrips when the boys are with their dad but it would be great to do a day trip with the boys. Hmmm....

Do you ever feel like you are the luckiest girl on this earth?

I do. Not because I am perfect or have the perfect life. Far from it! I am just in awe of the Lord. So grateful and thankful. He is SO amazing and I feel so unworthy. Yet....so very, very grateful.

Today I was grateful for....

1. A husband that doesn't get mad if I take a nap.
2. The beautiful flowers he planted recently.
3. The sound of rain.
4. Coverage for my sons therapy.
5. Friends.
6. Whole grain crackers with cheese and apples. My favorite snack!
7. Burts Bees

The right man won the $10,000!!!!

Mark good thing you won the $10,000 you are going to need it. I hope it is for counseling and not a divorce attorney. :)

The power of one.

My Tuesday mornings go something like pack lunches (why don't I do it the night before!) and get the kids off so I can hurry to the gym and hurry home....hurry to cool down (which only makes me sweat more) so I can shower to get to bible study. On Tuesday mornings there is a precious group of women who meet at my home church. We are going through When I lay My Isaac Down by Carol Kent and it is very good. This week the chapter was about helping to carry one another's burdens and being those band-aids in one another's lives. The leader of our group tearfully shared with us her heart for us to love on one another in practical ways and to connect within our group at a new level. She spoke of being who we are created to be and walking in what he has for us and reaching out to that person and you may never know the impact that it has. I left there once again just so grateful! Grateful for that precious group of women. Thankful for a leader that is in tune with the Holy Spirit and desires to be like Christ and will urge us to do the same. Someone who is not afraid to show emotion, be real and walk in obedience. She is modeling it beautifully! My guess is she doesn't realize the incredible impact that she is having on the ladies. Because her focus is our Heavenly Father and not herself. What a gift to us! I am watching other ladies bring friends and than they bring friends and people that do not even attend our church are coming. WOW! I am most grateful for her heart, her obedience and the sweet spirit that this group has. I am so excited to see what the Lord has planned.

Do you have any thoughts or beliefs in what makes a group great?

The gift of friendship

I have always valued relationship. It is the way I am wired and how God made me to be. I will be 38 this month and I think that the older I get it becomes even that much more precious to me. I think *friends* are a dime a dozen. But good, true, dear love you thought the good, bad and ugly friends are a rarity especially in today's times. I can see also how much friendships enrich my marriage. They make me a better person (the good friendships) and I am able to be a better wife. My husband is the closest person to me on this earth however my girlfriends fill a different area of my life. Today a close friend of mine came over and we watched one of our favorite shows and just chit chatted, cut coupons and ate lunch. It was nothing fancy but priceless in a way. A way that you can be comfortable with someone and relate. That is of great value to me. On Saturday night Trae and I went out with another couple and as always had a great evening. What a blessing that is to us. It enriches our marriage having that time with another couple who are also believers, parents and share similar values. I am so thankful that I have a husband that values relationship. Thank you Lord! I do find it a struggle sometimes to find the time for those more special moments with friends as life is busy yet I know that being too busy is a trap and I am careful of guarding my time and making time for what really matters. We are trying to find more ways that we can connect with friends. We want to have people over for dinner more often and perhaps out to lunch after church. I recently found out that a new friend belongs to the same gym I do! I could really use a work out partner! Hint, hint! We really would be close friends quickly if I let you see me in my workout clothes! LOL... Oh that reminds me I am down another pound! 32 lbs in 3 months! I danced around the house this morning to a worship song that sang of freedom. I AM FREE!!! Thank you Lord!

Making a change.

I just got back from the gym. I did 45.5 mins on the treadmill. I love to get it in during the AM hours of the day. It has become part of my routine. If I have to do it later on in the day I can but I *really* like going on the early side.

I was weighing in every Monday. Most weeks I was ready to jump on that scale. But I have decided that I want to start weighing 2-3 times a week. This last Monday I didn't weight because it was that time of the month. So I weighed on Thursday and again this morning. I am down 31 lbs in 12 weeks. I am pleased with that and feel like I am giving it my all. I could work out longer or add in the weights (which I do plan on doing) but sticking to my plan and getting to the gym or walking outdoors 5 times a week is my standard. My clothes are getting baggy and I am off today to try to find a few tanks for the summer to wear under my jackets and such. I feel so great! I am down 121 lbs from 5 years ago. Never did I imagine it would take me this long but better late than never and regardless of where I land I am much better than where I began. Progress not perfection!

Thank you Lord for setting me free! It is amazing to see that once I took the step to obedience he broke the chains that bound me for so long. Glory to God!

Today my first born turns 16.

It was literally almost to the minute...16 years ago today. So much as happened in those 16 years. In someways I feel as though we have grown up together. It is a privilege and my honor to be his mom. He is an amazing young man who is more like me than some days I want to admit. Just as I have grown...I too can see that he is growing. I love the fact that God gave him my brown eyes. There are so many things that he couldn't get from his mom so this one thing I am glad he did get. I started a list recently of things I want to do with him before he leaves home.

My list of things to do with Andrew before he leaves....

Make sure he knows how to iron, do wash and cook. We have already started in those areas but they all have room for growth.

Take a weekend trip just Andrew and I.
Take a family trip to NYC.
Have Andrew go on a Missions trip.
Andrew go to SLU! (Student Leadership Training)
Have Andrew start to learn German and possibly plan a trip there for sometime. He has always had a huge heart for Germany.

My sweet Andrew I love you dearly!

A $10 lift!

Last year in my frugal ways I cut out pedicures. And let me tell you that my feet paid the price for it. Lets just say it was not a pretty thing. So this spring we put it back on the monthly budget and I got one about a month ago. Thanks to the peas I bought a http://www.mypedegg.com/Default.asp?tcode=asp3&bhcp=1 and it has given my feet new life! It is $10 at Bed, Bath and Beyond! I can't begin to tell you how wonderful this thing is. My feet were dry and uncared for and it cut right through that and they are just pink and soft now! My husband even let me use it on one of his heels. Today I ran off to my local nail salon and had them paint my toes a fresh new color. I don't have to pay for a full pedicure anymore thanks to my new tool. So it is actually going to save me money. I love how the salon paints and for me it is worth paying for.

Tired.....

I have been so tired this week. No I am not pregnant but trust me I was so tired that I took a test to see. I am doing my normal work out and nothing out has changed so I can't for the life of me figure out why I am so tired. Typically I can become tired if I am overwhelmed or bogged down. I don't think I am feeling that this week. I am overwhelmed with a major decision and really seeking the Lord for what he desires. I have napped 2-3 days this week and went to bed at my normal time. Very odd.

I did 46 mins at the gym today. I am so amazed at how this process is going. This week I bought my husband some brownie bites. He loves those! Turns out the boys love them too. They were sitting on the counter and it would have been so nice to just pop one in my mouth (a sugared covered one) but I knew I couldn't do it. I knew that for myself obedience is the key. I can't go down that road. Been there, done that. I ended up putting them in the cabinet. That way I wouldn't have to look at them. I also didn't have Andrews birthday cake this week. I had a brief minute that I thought this stinks! But I pushed through it and knew that for myself that path brings bad things. I survived it! I am learning to love apples! I am looking right around 30 lbs down in 12 weeks. I am about 10-12 lbs from when I got married 2.5 years ago. Yippeeee!

My new favorite recipe on my plan is taking a chicken breast and putting pesto on it and sprinkling Parmesan cheese on it. It is wonderful! Very tasty and Trae loves it too! Now if only I could get in more veggies. Veggies are work for me. I will get there!

Welcome to my blog!

Why today....why did I chose today to start my blog? My sweet friend Karen sent me a link and thought how hard could it be? So I went for it. I am not sure how hard it will be to keep up with it but those that know and (still) love me know I like to chat. I hope this will be a place that I can share my heart and stay in touch.

Today happens to be the due date of my first born son. 16 years ago today he was due to arrive. He didn't come that day or the next but actually on the 4th after taking castor oil! Today also happens to be National Autism Day and the day that I started my blog.

My first born is actually asleep on the couch as a I type away. He fell asleep watching the Mavs. He is driving now and dreaming of the days ahead. I always say I think he was the most wanted child. My hope is that he knows that and feels that today.