Last post!

I have been dragging on doing post for this blog for most of the year. This spring I decided to start one for my husbands family to try and keep in touch with them since most of them are out of town. I am going to mainstream and only do that one. It is more of a keep in touch, post pictures and sometimes share thoughts blog. So if you are interested in peeking in or staying in touch please stop by! Thank you for reading my blog and in some way connecting with me. My love language is quality time so connecting with others even via a blog fills my bucket! Take care and hope to stay in touch. God bless you and yours.

http://black-white-tan.blogspot.com/

Why do I not obey?

The Lord has been being very specific with me. More specific than he used to be. It made me wonder why? When my husband and I were talking I shared that detail with him and he didn't say anything specific about it. Than a week later I was at a retreat and one of the speakers said the more you know the Lord and the closer your relationship the more specific he will be with you. For being a Christian for many years it might seem strange that I didn't know that. I have known the Lords voice for many years now so I know he seeks relationship with me and speaks to me but being specific with me was news to me!

I am finding more and more that he will put something on my heart and want me to tell someone. 2 times in the last 5 days he has done that I didn't obey. I hate to admit that. The first time was a dear friend and what he put on my heart concerning her was 6 words long. It just seemed SO minor that I couldn't bring myself to take it to her. I knew I was supposed to. I felt it would be dismissed (not that she would rudely do that but now I can see that was the enemy lying to me!!!) and threw it out. A few days later I spoke to her and after something she shared I went ahead and told her. I also apologized for not tell her earlier.

Today I found myself at my Titus 2 group. During worship the Lord told me to tell the woman next to me that he knows her pain. I didn't know her. I had never spoken to her (our group is HUGE) and so I just set it aside. We sat down and worship was over. The speaker prayed shortly after and the woman being crying. I felt awful. I knew I had missed it....again. I grabbed some tissue and gave them to her and than shared with her what the Lord wanted her to know.

I am so grateful for his voice. I am so grateful for his word and spirit within me. Please Lord help me to be obedient. I am so grateful that I serve a Lord who doesn't give up on me.

Love

I love this picture! My dad came a few weeks ago for a visit and we spend some time out at my moms and we had to try and squeeze in some family pictures. Sam got close to his biggest brother and had to love on him! So sweet!!!

Specifc

The Lord has been bringing things across my path lately that are very specific. At first I had a bit of doubt and wondered is it me or him? Than this weekend I was at a retreat and the speaker said that the more intimate relationship we have with the Lord the more specific he can be. Because it is all about relationship. Think about with those you are closest with....do you share details with them? Of course! I was so grateful that the Lord cared enough about me and my details to find a way to tell me that he was indeed in the details.

His Banner....

I remember growing up learning a song that talked about his banner over me is love. We had hand motions and everything. As an adult I was introduced to that song again but no hand motions (not formal anyway) and similar words but to a different tune. At the time I heard it I was falling in love with my Savior. I knew him prior but I was coming to know Him in a totally new way. His love for me was the same as it always had been but for the first time in my life I understood that love. It was heart changing therefore life changing! Lately when I found myself in a struggle the Lord reminded me once again that His banner over me is LOVE! Still life changing, so grateful!!! Yesterday I had escaped for 20 mins to Hobby lobby and as I looked around the store I saw a plaque that said that very thing on it. In our home we have been wanting to do wall words and have been praying about what to put and where. I think I know now which one is at the top of my list!!! It rings in my spirit and I want to be reminded daily of His truth and love. Thank you Lord!!!

Love

I was listening to a message this morning and it was on love. There were so many incredible points in the message and many stood out to me. One that did was grace is love in action. Grace for differences, understanding, downfalls, weakness, etc. Thank you Lord for filling my life with loving people who walk this out. Lord only with you can I love people with a true love. A love without condition, hooks, selfishness and wrong motives. Please give me grace for the ones that don't love others with grace. Thank you Lord for loving me.

My parents....

I have the honor of getting to spend time with both my parents recently. My dad came for a visit and my mom and her husband so graciously asked us to come out for a visit. I will treasure the opportunity and the photo.

Stretched.....

Lately life has brought lots of opportunity for being stretched. I would love to tell you that I welcome it however I don't want to lie. In the worst moments it feels like a slow and painful death. When I am more hopeful I can see the beauty in transformation and am grateful for it. I find myself more and more trying to focus less and less on my circumstances and more on seeking the Lord to see where is He in the midst of each situation. I want to be able to learn what I need to, pass the test and move on joyfully making my exit!!! For me the biggest stretch is finding journey in the midst. In the midst of pain, loss, change, stretching and things that are not at all on my bucket list!!! Lord, help me to be reminded of your purposes that they are indeed far above my ways and that you love me lavishly even in the midst of discomfort. You have been so incredibly faithful to put supports into my life that remind me of your truths and to life me up. Thank you.

Faithful

I have a situation in my life that keeps popping up. To the point where I say to myself what is the Lord after. God where are you in this? I knew that it was my desire to have his heart on the matter and I really wanted to hear from him on the situation. It is a situation that I have peace about and know in my heart that the Lord has moved me on. It reminds me how you often hear he will take you around and around a mountain until you get what you were supposed to. I know in this situation I have been released and moved on.

Yet....several things have happened recently that seems out of left field. I just though well UGH. SO be it but I felt let to pray and see what the Lord said.

The Lord shared with me that out of love and protection for his children He is faithful to reveal the hearts. OK Lord I got it! He knows my heart and although at times it is sinful and desiring my way He also knows that sometimes I don't know what is best for me and it is His desire for me to walk in truth. He is faithful to show me what that truth is. He knows when we would trust someone (or trust them again and again) or put ourselves in a situation that would not be good for us and could bring us harm.

Thank you Lord! You are good, your ways are higher than mine and your love is everlasting!!!

I am so grateful to be yours!!!

Re-working

I don't know if re-working is even a word! However I do recognize what the Lord is doing. We knew that this year would be a season of change. You can't have a your kids nearly grown and add a baby to the family and not experience change. That was our first big change. The year brought many other changes. Some welcomes and some not. It hasn't been easy. Everyone knows how much I dislike change. However when I look at where things are at now I am in awe of how the good Lord has blessed us. Our lives are busier (than I desire) but we are rethinking our lives and looking at ways to make things less busy. We are both blessed by being connected at our new church. That is huge to us as we both desire relationship with others and truly being connected. The changes with Andrew have been hard. However the Lord is given me peace and grace as I walk through those. It is a time of change in my prayer life. My Titus 2 group is building a new foundation in that area of my life. I have been a believer for much of my life and that included prayer however it is like now I am at a different place at it is calling for more. I am so grateful the Lord is equipping me. It reminds me of one of my favorite songs.....'Life is hard, but God is good.' Amen!

Organization!!!

I have found that since having Sam I get to the deeper projects less and less. That is hard for me because I *love* to be organized and it is something that I thrive on. I really just function so much better this way. Luckily we have company coming in about 10 days and that has forced my hand. Now we are finding the time! It will feel so good to have things back to what works well for us. We actually started with Sams room because a room that has only been in existence less than a year can't possibly be overwhelming. It is complete and much better! I worked on the kitchen this evening and have a bag of trash and 2 boxes of items to give to others. That is something we are praying about because we feel like we don't have time for a yard sale but we were hoping to use the funds from it for our October payment for Pine Cove. I asked my husband what did he want us to do. He said lets plan for a yard sale and if we end up without the time we will donate it all. Sounds like a plan!

Grateful....

I am grateful for many things. This year has been a huge season of change. I am not a person that loves change. I often see that the Lord uses if for my good but I personally find it challenging. When I travel somewhere by car I find the drive back more peaceful and easier....because it is a road I have traveled. That gives you an idea of how newness isn't something I just love! When I am in a time of change or struggle it often makes me reflect on all of the good in my life.

My recent list of gratitudes is.....

Grateful for provision

A healthy family

Good rest

The Lords faithfulness in homeschooling ds2 and how his fall came together.

Great buys

My husband for to many reasons to list.

How the Lord reveals things and shows truth.

Titus 2 group

Fall weather

Dear friends and new friends

Surprises from the Lord.

Safe travels

Naps

Family visits

Long phone calls to catch up.

Friends that care enough to listen.

Friends that will laugh and cry with you.

$5 pizza

Naps...did I already say that?

Children that want to talk.

Children that want to cuddle.

Children that love my cooking!

Laughter

Dreaming.....

I would love to getaway right now. This picture was at a bed and breakfast that we went to a couple of years ago in AR. Right now I think I would escape just about anywhere!! The mountains, the beach or the city!!! Anywhere away from roles, jobs, chores and pumping!!! I have pumped for 8.5 months. Seriously one of the hardest things I have ever done. Trae and I are planning to get away for our 40th birthdays next spring. For now planning that will have to fill my desire to escape. We have yet to decide where we will travel too but one thing we do know is that it will be just the 2 of us!

Easy....like a Sunday morning.

1. Where is your cell phone? kitchen counter
2.Your hair? love it but untouched today.
3. Your mother? my angel
4. Your father? visiting soon
5. Your favorite food? chocolate

6. Your dream last night? hmmm....can't remember.
7. Your favorite drink? Ice water
8. Your dream/goal? Just one????
9. What room are you in? great room
10. Your hobby? reading
11. Your fear? being left
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? More free
13. Where were you last night? Chatting with a dear friend late into the evening!
14. Something you aren't? regretful
15. Muffins? Love to make them for my family.
16. Wish list item? A long, long vacation.
17. Where did you grow up? Up north.
18. Last thing you did? Put up the baby food I made in the freezer.
19. What are you wearing? comfy clothes
20. Your TV? Take it or leave it but thankful that I haven't had to choose.
21. Your pets? our old man Sparky.
22. Your friends? few...but oh so dear to me!
23. Your life? Busier than I desire and trying to find out how to make it slower and more of what I desire.
24. Your mood? peaceful
25. Missing someone? Yes
26. Vehicle? new'ish van that I am grateful for.
27. Something you're not wearing? shoes
28. Your favorite store? neighborhood yard sales
29. Your favorite color? shades of blue
30. When was the last time you laughed? last night
31. Last time you cried? yesterday
32. Your best friend? I don't do best friends....learned long ago to have a few dear friends but not *one* best friend.
33. One place that I go over and over? my to-do list.
34. One person who emails me regularly? My mom.
35. Favorite place to eat? With my mom because someday that won't be an option.

Sam is eight months old!

Sweet Sam turned 8 months old yesterday. It was not a fun day though because he was sick. All the stuff going around hit our home on Thursday and went from Jacob to Sam within a few days. Hoping the rest of us stay well and they are 100% soon. Sickness is no fun. It is hard to imagine how fast time has gone since his birth. We were talking about the fact that in 4 months it would be his 1st birthday and wondered what he will be like and how special that will be. So thankful we will be able to recover for a few weeks after the holidays before we celebrate his special day.

My mommy heart smiles...

Motherhood....so much that goes along with that topic. Honestly it is overwelming to me on many fronts. However the good part of that is that I am constantly reminded to give my children over to the Lord and remind myself that they are His. How can I love something that is so incredibly draining???

I was thinking about those sweet moments and little things said that bless my heart. They are a treasure and something I tuck aside that helps bring me encouragement during those other moments.

Yesterday my almost grown Andrew (17) shared with me about his fundraiser at school. They had raised $80,000 for a new playground and to update their computers. They had a walk to celebrate and mark the moment of giving thanks to the Lord. They had the senior school pair up with a young child. He was paired with a 5 year old little boy that wanted to talk to him and hold his hand the whole time. Andrew told me all the sweet and funny things the boys said and we had a nice laugh. Andrew asked him if he had a Gameboy and the boy said no but I have a Grandma and a Grandpa! That made us laugh. It encouraged my heart and made me smile to hear him share about his day.

Jacob (12) likes a few minutes of downtime to help him relax. I was letting him have that last night. The John and Kate show is one that in the past he likes to watch however when I turned on what I had recordred he said, "they don't deserve to have a show anymore." While it sounds pretty straight forward and not very gracious I agree with him. While Jon and Kate are sinners just like us saved by grace they need to get their home in order and focus on what matters. When my husband left and our home was in shambles it was a painful time filled with tremendous growth (PTL!) and a time of grieving for our family. We did watch the show and I have to say that it is very revealing to hear what they both say. It reveals their hearts and that is indeed what our words do.

One thing that I love hearing with Sam (8 months) is his first morning chatter. It often sounds like a boy wanting to be heard and remind us of his strength. If I don't get him soon enough it goes into a cry. But that first morning voice always makes me hope for the future that he uses it in life! That he speaks the truth and uses the gift placed in him. We see a bit of a feisty side to Sam and a side that says hear me roar! Praise God he has a huge sweet and mild side too!

Baby kisses....

I was a young mom with my other children. When I hear people talk about young moms not being good moms or not valuing motherhood because of their age I can't relate to it. In my first marriage we waited 3 years to have a baby. A dear friend of mine has often said that Andrew was the most wanted baby he had ever seen. He was indeed! I love motherhood, embraced it and we celebrated and loved each and every stage.

Several years ago I yearned for those years back. Not to re-do because I was full of regret but honestly I have said before that if I had one wish I would want to go back in time and have Andrew and Jacob for babies and toddlers for a few days! I don't get to do that. I do value and love the seasons that I have with them now but I have to say they are not as sweet and cuddly.

I have had the amazing gift of having another baby later in life. I am trying to freeze in time those cuddle moments, mommy kisses and falling asleep in my arms gifts. I have a handful of precious memories that I hope to keep near and dear in my heart that I think only come with a new life. I am forever grateful for the gift and the precious lives that have been placed in my care.

Relationship....

It really is so sweet that Jacob and Sam get to have so much time together. I know that Sam is close with both the boys but you do gain something from having quantity of time with someone. I know that they both learn from one another and influence one another.

Recently I have been reminded many times about influence. I have stood in shock of how many times in the past several years that I heard Christians give unbiblical counsel. These are not gray areas that come down to you choosing what the Lord wants for your and your family but clearly laid out words from our Savior for His children. Lovingly provided for us for our protection from our perfect Savior as we walk through this imperfect world. It has made me very careful, prayerful and mindful of what I am apart of and tune into. I know that I am imperfect and it is my desire to obey the Lord and walk the narrow road. My concern is for those in leadership that have fallen into the trap of being wise in their own eyes and don't fully turn to the Lords word for counsel. Lord help us! I am so grateful that the Lord has been gracious and faithful in placing in safe places where His word is truth and used as our compass.

Our sweet Sam

I took these today and wanted to post recent pictures of Sam. He will be 7 months in just a couple of days. He is crawling, sitting up, pulling up and very vocal! He is such a delight. God is so good and we delight in all our sons and how sweet it is to have a baby in our home.

Not taking the time....

There have been so many times lately that I have wanted to post. Times that I thought OK that is blog worthy! Than life would happen and time would past and nothing would happen.

This year when we left Pine Cove I had several thing on my heart. I asked Trae if we could sit and talk a few days after we got home as I had many things that I felt I needed to share. I thought for sure he had a list of things too! He didn't! I was shocked but than my sister reminded me that maybe his list was blank because mine was many. I am always thankful for another perspective as I think everyone has blind spots and the Lord often allows others to help reveal those and He is His own ways refine those.

We sat down and he listened and listened and I spoke about what was on my heart. I pushed back the lies that try to rob from me. One of the lies that I have had to deal with in the past was that I was too much. Basically I was too much work and not worth it. I am so grateful that my husband doesn't think that or make me feel that way.

Right now I am still walking out the things the Lord has placed on my heart. Grateful for a husband that walks with me. Knowing I am blessed beyond measure from a Lord that loves me and thankful for beautiful people the Lord has placed in my life.

I promise I won't go 2 months between post again! Thank you for your sweet nudge Sonja. I have felt so much like the Lord is stirring things and so many days I thought now how do I get that into print?!

Words that echo in my heart.....

The other day while driving and praying the Lord put 8 words on my heart. What happens when you say yes to God.....when I thought about it I was reminded that I believe I saw a book title with those words in it recently. But the Lord reminded me to think of it personally in my life. I couldn't help but think of our precious Sam. When we dated (for 2 years) I told Trae that I was done having kids. But in 08....we said yes to God. Really even our marriage is both of us saying yes to God. I sat there driving so grateful that I said yes to God and wondered what in the future would the Lord woo me to say yes to Him. Often times in my flesh I have my idea, my plan and my desire. Lord help me to want to be more like you and to be sensitive to your desire for my life.

Jer. 29:11 For I know the plan I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Getting to know you....

Sparky and Sam are slowly becoming friends. Sparky is protective of Sam and Sam is noticing Sparky more and more. Sparky turned 14 last month and although he is elderly he is still the best family pup and tries to be a friend to many.

Less is more!

Sam is like his daddy in many ways. One of them is that he tends to get hot easily. We seems a bit more carefree and smiley when the clothes come off! He is so funny. Love that boy!

Yummy summer food finds!

I love a great recipe! I have never been a fan of chicken salad however I had a friends recipe recently and she was a dear and shared it with me. I made it today and it was very yummy! I put it on a open sandwich on my favorite Milton's bread toasted. It made a yummy lunch before we headed out for a fun day. I also did a few chocolate dipped strawberries with some of the berries we got at Costco yesterday. We had a fun day out. We hit a wonderful sale at Gymboree (30% of everything, including sale items and I had a 20% coupon on top of that!) so Sam got some new duds. We ate at Rockfish and had calamari and fish tacos. So yummy! I love a day out with a change in routine and it is especially fun when we find some fun finds too.

The boys

Andrew is off for a week with his uncle in LA. I don't know the plans they have but I know he loves that area and is grateful to be going back. Jacob just started at week at The Ranch at Pine Cove in Tyler, TX. Pine Cove is his favorite place on this planet! We go for family camp next month but for now he is being a big guy on his own with hundred of other 6th and 7th graders! Sam is home with mom and dad. Right where our little guy should be. Letting go isn't easy! So glad we still have one at home although we are looking forward to a quieter week with just us around. Pssss, did you hear that Sam?!

Creativity...

We have a deal at our home. I cook and Trae and the boys help clean up the kitchen. Last night I was busy doing something and didn't have my hands free to hold Sam and he wanted to be held. Sam and Dad used our favorite sling (Baby K'tan) and got things cleaned up in a jiffy. Sam was asleep by the time they finished. I use it with Sam in the front either cradled or upright facing mom or out front. We didn't want dinner to end up on Sam so we put him on dads back and he loved seeing everything going on. There are 8 positions you can use with this sling. It is on our my favorite finds!

Sweet endings....

We had Andrews awards ceremony this weekend. He is now officially a Junior! Yippppeee! Although it is supposed to be the toughest year in school. I know he will do a great job. Our weekend also had lots of downtime since it was a holiday weekend. Sam was thankful for some extra cuddle time with big brother. Ahhh, priceless and warms this moms heart.

Happy Mothers Day!

Happy Mothers Day! I bet each of you are Mothers. When I think of motherhood so many emotions well up inside of me. Honestly one of the first things that always comes up is....blessed. Being a mother is a blessing.....the fruit of my womb. I see motherhood as the hardest job on this planet and the most rewarding. It isn't for wimps that is for sure! Some days I feel like a failure...other days I feel like we will make it and on other days (rare)I actually give myself a small pat on the back and tell myself I am doing OK. I have a friend at church who has never given birth to a child. She is married and her husband had children prior to their marriage. She is such a lover of little ones that when I was pregnant I thought to myself many times I can't wait until Cathy holds my baby! Why....because her heart longs for little ones and she loves on them in such a special way that you can't help but want her to love on your baby! I wish she was blessed with her hearts desire. For now I will sometimes pass my sweet little one to her during a church service or in the hallway and we are both blessed. I don't think she will ever realize the blessing she is to others. I am blessed when my children are embraced, accepted and loved on. I have my 3 blessings on earth, 2 in heaven (miscarriages) and a lifetime of mothering. I know I recently said to my husband that by the time our sweet Sam left home I would have had children at home for at least 35 years! WOW! I need the Lord daily for grace, strength and wisdom in training up the hearts I have been entrusted with. This post reminds me of motherhood....it is going on and on and on.

You might see some sweat.....

But I see the beauty of the body of Christ! We were at Pine Cove last weekend with our ministry team and we were all sweating as the humidity was high and most of us (not me!) had just done the zip-line. It was a great weekend full of laughter, tears and dear friends. Sam did wonderful. So wonderful that we had several offers for babysitters by the time we left. The weekend totally confirmed how much Sam is a people person. He took it all in, loved visiting with everyone and even enjoyed falling asleep in peoples arms and being fed by them. Their warm embrace of our growing family was the best medicine this mama could have had. God is so good.

Sam's special day...

Samuel was dedicated this weekend. It was the sweetest time with a small gathering of family and close friends. Traes mentor and friend opened his home and heart for our special day. We attend a church however we felt in our hearts that we wanted something different for our son, more intimate and a time for others to speak into our lives and Samuel's life. It was a sweet time that will forever leave an impression. Alan spoke about covenant and read from 1 Samuel 12:24- Only fear the Lord, and serve Him in truth with all your heart; for consider what great things He has done for you. He also challenged us to do 3 things. 1. Dedicate Sam to the Lord. 2. Train him in the ways of the Lord. 3. Let him go and give him to the Lord. How beautiful is the body of Christ.....so grateful!

It finally hit!

When I was pregnant with Sam I really didn't nest very much. I remember one weekend I really nested to get his room ready but outside of that it really never hit. Well he is 3 months old and with getting full nights sleep now I think it is hitting. We joked when I was pregnant that Trae nested more than me! Hey, at least one of us was doing it. Now if I can just figure out how to re-do ds2 room!!! It doesn't just need cleaned or organized it needs a makeover.

Spring

Spring has sprung! And as you can see so has our family. Everyone is growing and doing well. Sam is sleeping so well. What a blessing! He is usually sleeping about 10-11 hours a night without waking. The boys are both so good with him. We couldn't be more blessed. Both of the boys have a unique relationship with Sam that is so fun to watch. Sam delights so much in both of them too! He gives them the sweetest smiles daily. Ahhh, the things that warm a mothers heart.

Books

We love books! We are so glad to see that Sam is delighting in books too. He loved smiling at the animals in this book. He listens to many books that Jacob and I read during the day too.

Worry....

I wouldn't classify myself as a person who spends a lot of time worrying. Yet I have seen lately that I at times am struggling with fear. What if what is happening today overtakes me and goes on and I am ruined....those are some of the thoughts I have. I just listened to a message and he shared a quote that I am going to have to post in my home. I was reminded that I do indeed struggle with worry. I wish it weren't so but I tend to be a big picture person....and that often involves looking past today.

No man ever sank under the burdens of the day. It is when tomorrow's burden is added to the burden of today that the weight is more than a man can bear. George MacDonald

What a difference a few days make....

We found ourselves this week with a heart of gratitude. We are thankful to my mom for sooooo many reasons but this week we found ourselves thanking the good Lord for protecting her. Tuesday afternoon she had the sweetest nap with Sam and the bottom picture is her car on Friday afternoon after she was in a serious car accident. Praise God she is OK. She is sore and having to car shop however she had no serious injuries. My mom is a Godly women who blesses so many and is one of the most incredible women I know. I am so thankful the Lord is letting her stay for a while longer. Now go hug your mama and tell her how much you love her!

A yummy Fort Worth find!

My hubby travels many a hours driving during his day. He might be commuting back and forth to Dallas or traveling the streets of Fort Worth to meet with clients. We both have a fond for yummy finds and recently he brought these home. He is becoming know with his company for taking out of town personnel to great FW food finds. I am thankful he thinks of us and brings us something home sometimes. Sprinkles Cupcakes is our favorite Dallas cupcake shop but we are excited to have a great place closer to home too!

Finally.....

Life has been busy! As you can see Sam is growing! He turned 8 weeks this past week and we are all enjoying this blessing. We often call him sweet Sam! We are finding our new normal and enjoying this season. He is very loved and we have had so much fun with his sweet smiles that arrived a couple of weeks ago. The past few days he is starting to coo and be more verbal. We are trying to keep up with taking pictures. He sleeps better at night than he does during the day which is wonderful! However it does make very busy days especially while Jacob and I are still schooling. Sam will often extend his nap once he is in moms arms or the sling so that helps. As you can see all the brothers are bonding and finding that special spot in their heart for one another. Tis sweet!! I promise I will try and update more often.